Men’s Health Blog

Man going limp, woman uptight; has this happened to you? A client was in a new relationship with a man she liked, but was having trouble when it came to sex. There was great chemistry between them, he was very kind & giving to her but when it came to sex they were running hot & cold. She came to me for advice & this is what we discovered.

When he would become aggressive & passionate, her defenses would go up. She wanted to get to know him & build the excitement, but in the process was becoming too mental. Her defenses went up, so the more passionate he became the more defensive she became.

Flip side. She began to drop her defenses, would allow him to carry her to bed, start getting sexual & he would go limp, then fall asleep. Wine, stress & sleep deprivation were partially to blame, but when this happened several times she got concerned. Was she turning him on, did she screw it up or confuse him by wanting to wait? Was this the best it was going to be? She felt very confused, disappointed & started to consider ending the relationship. After the last time of trying, she laid beside him feeling a million miles apart, listened to him snoring then went home determined that was the end of the relationship.

So is there any hope here? Is the relationship over? Have you had these experiences? How did you handle it? What's your advice?

Sexuality can be incredible & confusing. Obviously chemistry comes into play, we have all felt sexual attraction. Mental, physical, emotional, beliefs, etc also effect our feelings, but did you know that energy also can be involved with how you have sex?

Let me show you more about the energetic perspective of the story above. The two people were pushing the extremes. Often people will mirror the areas we need to work on in relationship.

• She would put up defenses in his intensity, she would get turned on when he was asleep.
• He would get passionate, push her limits then fall asleep when she would become attentive. He felt she made him calm, but would check out in the feminine energy.

From an energetic perspective, they were learning to access the extremes of their connection. She needed to learn to be vulnerable & open, he needed to continue his drive in the calm places.

Through communication, the two were able to bridge this gap. They decided to play with the extremes & work as a team on experiencing more pleasure than they had previously been able to access.

Try this exercise:

1. When an emotional or energetic block comes up, try to watch your reaction. If possible, watch it from a 3rd party perspective. For example, you notice that you are becoming reactive, putting up a defensive wall, pulling away.
2. Stop yourself, breath, ask yourself "What am I reacting to?"Perhaps it is the position, you have lost connection, you need a break, etc.
3. Play with your extremes.
   • Knowing that she was challenged with being vulnerable, she would witness when she would put up her defenses.
   • During this time she would have self talk to see that she was safe in his arms, that she could allow him to love her, that she could become vulnerable and let this man adore her.
   • With this agreement, he could continue being masculine without pulling back when she put up her defenses.
   • Without forcing her, he could lovingly connect with her through the vulnerable places allowing for more connection vs. separation.
   • She lets down the guard and he can penetrate deeper into their connection even if it is only in holding her. This will build the intimacy, connection, trust and relationship.

   Realize where your wins can be & pursue there. In this case it was easier for the woman to let down her guard & for him to hold his masculine, than for him to be in her presence without going soft. This is where they start their agreement.

   • She gives him permission to push her buttons a bit, knowing she is safe.
   • They start here, at their place where success can be found.
     • Many couples start at the problem, this will only agitate the situation & cause separation. Imagine had they chosen for her to stay in her aggressor place, he is going soft, falling asleep, disconnected. She would probably get frustrated, take it personally, put up her defenses, jeopardize their relationship by demeaning him or his penis, it just wouldn't work. (literally). Instead, keep it at the win.

     Find the easiest place where the two of you can meet in this difficult place & bridge the gap.

Polarity can be fun to play with, it can heighten the pleasure between partners or it can make you go limp. Let me know if you would like to know more about energy & how to have incredible sex.

If you are experiencing sexual blocks & would like help in overcoming these, check out my website at UnlockBlocks.com or contact Jeanne Lupypciw for an appointment.